5 ways men should dress their age

It was only recently that my disappearing youth became apparent when I was filling out an online survey and, with the passing of a particular birthday, I could no longer tick the box for the 25-34 age-group. It seems I'm officially middle-aged, as the survey so kindly pointed out.

More: 20 GQ style rules

My new demographic is 35 to 49. (So depressing to think demographers see no difference between my tastes and habits and those of someone 14 years my senior.)

To be honest though, and weirdly, I actually quite like the thought of getting older. Not in the cold, hard facts sense that I'm likely to start resembling Bert Newton crossed with Lou from Neighbours as my forehead grows taller and my cheeks grow wider. Or that I find myself increasingly forgetting events I've been to and conversations I've had. Where was I? Oh, yes. I mean more in the style sense.

I've always longed for the day when I could comfortably carry off a tweed jacket with leather patches and not be fashion-fouled for looking like a schoolteacher. Likewise, the ability to pull off a three-piece suit without people thinking I forgot to return my Year 10 formal hire is just as welcome.

Alas, as a maturing man there are some style habits I just won't be able to get away with anymore. So for myself and the other readers joining me in the 35 to 49 club, I've put together a no-go list to help us on our way.

1. LOSE THE SKINNY JEANS. If you need to be convinced, get someone to take a photo of you in a pair from behind. a muffin top and two chipolatas is no delicacy.

2. NO MORE EXPERIMENTAL HAIRCUTS. That means fauxhawks, sweeping fringes or vicious spikes. Ellen DeGeneres should not, repeat not, be your style icon.

3. PRINTED TEES SHOULD BE BURNT. You may think you look young and funky, but they actually work in the reverse.

4. CONCEAL YOUR UNDERWEAR. Not even Mark Walhberg can get away with a flash of his boxers anymore.

5. DROP THE WRAPAROUND SUNGLASSES. Actually, what am I saying? No man of any age should wear wraparound sunglasses. Unless of course, your name is The Situation.